Sorry about that.
Eric Staal is probably the most talented of all the Staal brothers, but he gets less attention than Marc or Jordan because he’s in Carolina.
if people held guns with their feet would armies be called leggies
- Me: Did you know Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus got engaged?
- My Brother: Who's Liam Hemsworth?
- Me: Gale from The Hunger Games.
- My Brother: I never saw it.
- Me: He's Thor's brother.
- My brother: Loki's marrying Hannah Montana?
Tip for modern adulterers: If you’re planning to cheat on your wife of 10 years by awkwardly hitting on the model seated next to you on your flight out of Los Angeles, make sure she isn’t live-tweeting the entire miserable experience to her 13,000 followers;
How do you get a boyfriend? Is there some sort of tribal dance you have to do?
- Me: Sean, could you please go put your clothes in the dirty clothes bin?
- Sean: NO, YOU'RE CLOTHES.
Grab my army
I’m out the door
Gonna destroy the city
when i leave brush my teeth with the tesseract, cuz when i leave asgard i aint comin back
i’m talkin ants under my boots boots
Hawkeye gonna go shoot shoot
I even managed physical contact with the opposite sex.
you’re walking in the woods
there is no one around
and your phone is dead
out of the corner of your eye you spot him
I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m obviously listening to music in 4/4.
And yesterday she was having a really bad trip.
She was caught between the two curtain things in the shower and she didn’t know what to do.
- Me: Ugh, why isn't my pizza done yet?
- Mom: It's been in for three minutes. Just wait.
- Me: I DID MY WAITING!
- Mom: Oh, god, not again.
- Me: TWELVE YEARS OF IT!
- Mom: Every time.
- Me: IN AZKABAN!